With all my talk about trying to find my place under the sun in law school, it seems to have been taken for granted that I grew up with the good necessary to make it in that place called law school. Well, that's not entirely true.
I was a very shy little girl. I was mostly with adults and seldom with children my age. I guess that plays a part as to why up to now I get along better with people older or younger than me rather those within my exact age group. I'm usually happier either being the take charge Ate or the little spoiled baby.
I was not very good at games as a child. For one, I was not allowed to play on the streets. Two, I had no children my age to play with save for when I was in school. Even as a child, I preferred quiet pastimes. I would rather read a comic book or watch television. I was also good at games where imagination was used. When I started having cousins close to my age over for play dates, I would often be the casting director laying out the scenarios for other make-believe game. Sometimes we would be a bunch of runaways evading the clutches of the evil Kapre or the evil guwardiya sibil. Sometimes we would be orphans. It was always one scenario after another. We all took a name for the day every play date. We were really taking playing make believe to the hilt.
Though I'm a girl, I was also fond of playing cars as a child. I even had a bunch of toy guns. I had lots of toys and I had my imagination. Everything just sprang to life. Every doll had a name, a personality as far as I was concerned. The living room could transform anything I want it to be when I was playing: a sari-sari store, a house, a jungle.
Outside my comfort zone, I was really shy as a child. I bet most of my grade school teachers wouldn't have guessed that the shy Ice Princess will ever go to, much less survive, the rigors of the dog eat dog world of law school. Even in high school, I was still quiet and shy. I was starting to crawl out of my shell by then but man, was it as slow crawl (think: the tortoise). In fact, I used to shake uncontrollably whenever I had to speak before a crowd. I had the worst case of stage freight.
I slowly emerged from the cocoon as a butterfly but every now and then, and usually when I least need or expect it, I still get stage freight. I guess the shy little girl will always be a part of me. The butterfly will always have the memory of the little caterpillar she once was.
When I chance upon my schoolmates in high school, they often claim to be amazed at my transformation. They say I'm now so hip, so confident. One of my high school friends even told me the Johnson's commercial that went 'the baby is now a lady' fits me to a T.
Most of the people I met only in college or in law school have a hard time believing I was ever shy. They think I was born the rah-rah, stickler for equality, confident girl I appear to be nowadays. Well, the superstructure is always simple but underneath it is a dirty base.
It was not easy nor quick to evolve into who I appear to be now. And there are still days when I wonder if I really had evolved at all. I still feel vulnerable sometimes. I still doubt my decisions now and then. I don't know everything and I know I never will. I guess I just learned how to be graceful about it all as time went by.
I was bullied as a child by other children who were better at street games and who couldn't pick on anyone but someone their own age who had no prior dealings with children. It was not easy but I managed to turn things around and use that experience as a guiding principle on how I live my life. It helped mold me into a feminist, a person who likes to believe she stands up for equality and for the rights of those around her. I hate seeing other people be bullies in any way even now that I'm an adult. I do my best to help give the underdog a boost most of the time.
As a pre-teen and a teen, I was more interested in books than in soirees and boys. Some of my classmates (remember: I went to an all girls school) used to make fun of that. They were dating, had boyfriends and were popular. I was not a geek (no glasses, no braises, OK looks) but neither was I the belle of the ball. Well, things took its natural course and after a few years the tide has shifted.
I finished school, got a job and was free to do what I wanted. I was making my own money, I had the time and the means to do what I wanted with my appearance and I was of age to date whoever I wanted. Meanwhile, some of those classmates of mine did not get to finish college, got pregnant out of wedlock, looked frumpy when they reached their twenties and did not know what to do with their lives.
I remember a day when I was clad in a tube dress (but I wore it with a jacket!) and heels and was walking along a popular mall during coffee break in the office. I ran into two of my classmates in high school who were so proud of their popularity with boys back then. We traded stories a bit and it was revealed: I was done with school, was starting a career and as they told me, I looked good (I think they said something like sexy or so) while they were both mothers, did not finish school and really did not have a clue as to what career to pursue.
I never thought that day would happen when I would run into the so-called popular girls who belittled studying hard and gave more preference to partying and boys and be affirmed that I had made the right choices in high school. There were times when I wanted to attend parties but I had to study for big exams. There were suitors that I chose not to entertain because I knew I was not emotionally or otherwise ready for a commitment. I admit there were times when I thought: was I missing out? Are high school boyfriends, plenty of memorable parties to look back to and a social life to boast off really necessary at that point in my life?
I attended a handful of parties, I had a social life though not in any way as extensive as that of the so-called popular girls and I did have several telebabad sessions with boys my age in high school. That was enough for me then. And you know what? I'm glad I made the decisions I made. I'd rather be reaping the benefits now instead of having advanced them in high school.
I was a very shy little girl. I was mostly with adults and seldom with children my age. I guess that plays a part as to why up to now I get along better with people older or younger than me rather those within my exact age group. I'm usually happier either being the take charge Ate or the little spoiled baby.
I was not very good at games as a child. For one, I was not allowed to play on the streets. Two, I had no children my age to play with save for when I was in school. Even as a child, I preferred quiet pastimes. I would rather read a comic book or watch television. I was also good at games where imagination was used. When I started having cousins close to my age over for play dates, I would often be the casting director laying out the scenarios for other make-believe game. Sometimes we would be a bunch of runaways evading the clutches of the evil Kapre or the evil guwardiya sibil. Sometimes we would be orphans. It was always one scenario after another. We all took a name for the day every play date. We were really taking playing make believe to the hilt.
Though I'm a girl, I was also fond of playing cars as a child. I even had a bunch of toy guns. I had lots of toys and I had my imagination. Everything just sprang to life. Every doll had a name, a personality as far as I was concerned. The living room could transform anything I want it to be when I was playing: a sari-sari store, a house, a jungle.
Outside my comfort zone, I was really shy as a child. I bet most of my grade school teachers wouldn't have guessed that the shy Ice Princess will ever go to, much less survive, the rigors of the dog eat dog world of law school. Even in high school, I was still quiet and shy. I was starting to crawl out of my shell by then but man, was it as slow crawl (think: the tortoise). In fact, I used to shake uncontrollably whenever I had to speak before a crowd. I had the worst case of stage freight.
I slowly emerged from the cocoon as a butterfly but every now and then, and usually when I least need or expect it, I still get stage freight. I guess the shy little girl will always be a part of me. The butterfly will always have the memory of the little caterpillar she once was.
When I chance upon my schoolmates in high school, they often claim to be amazed at my transformation. They say I'm now so hip, so confident. One of my high school friends even told me the Johnson's commercial that went 'the baby is now a lady' fits me to a T.
Most of the people I met only in college or in law school have a hard time believing I was ever shy. They think I was born the rah-rah, stickler for equality, confident girl I appear to be nowadays. Well, the superstructure is always simple but underneath it is a dirty base.
It was not easy nor quick to evolve into who I appear to be now. And there are still days when I wonder if I really had evolved at all. I still feel vulnerable sometimes. I still doubt my decisions now and then. I don't know everything and I know I never will. I guess I just learned how to be graceful about it all as time went by.
I was bullied as a child by other children who were better at street games and who couldn't pick on anyone but someone their own age who had no prior dealings with children. It was not easy but I managed to turn things around and use that experience as a guiding principle on how I live my life. It helped mold me into a feminist, a person who likes to believe she stands up for equality and for the rights of those around her. I hate seeing other people be bullies in any way even now that I'm an adult. I do my best to help give the underdog a boost most of the time.
As a pre-teen and a teen, I was more interested in books than in soirees and boys. Some of my classmates (remember: I went to an all girls school) used to make fun of that. They were dating, had boyfriends and were popular. I was not a geek (no glasses, no braises, OK looks) but neither was I the belle of the ball. Well, things took its natural course and after a few years the tide has shifted.
I finished school, got a job and was free to do what I wanted. I was making my own money, I had the time and the means to do what I wanted with my appearance and I was of age to date whoever I wanted. Meanwhile, some of those classmates of mine did not get to finish college, got pregnant out of wedlock, looked frumpy when they reached their twenties and did not know what to do with their lives.
I remember a day when I was clad in a tube dress (but I wore it with a jacket!) and heels and was walking along a popular mall during coffee break in the office. I ran into two of my classmates in high school who were so proud of their popularity with boys back then. We traded stories a bit and it was revealed: I was done with school, was starting a career and as they told me, I looked good (I think they said something like sexy or so) while they were both mothers, did not finish school and really did not have a clue as to what career to pursue.
I never thought that day would happen when I would run into the so-called popular girls who belittled studying hard and gave more preference to partying and boys and be affirmed that I had made the right choices in high school. There were times when I wanted to attend parties but I had to study for big exams. There were suitors that I chose not to entertain because I knew I was not emotionally or otherwise ready for a commitment. I admit there were times when I thought: was I missing out? Are high school boyfriends, plenty of memorable parties to look back to and a social life to boast off really necessary at that point in my life?
I attended a handful of parties, I had a social life though not in any way as extensive as that of the so-called popular girls and I did have several telebabad sessions with boys my age in high school. That was enough for me then. And you know what? I'm glad I made the decisions I made. I'd rather be reaping the benefits now instead of having advanced them in high school.
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